Archive for bad ass

Member 9: Megatron

Posted in Nawesome with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2008 by alienbun

Long before Michael Bay made 7000 korean kids go into seizures with his douchey interpretation of the Transformers … there was the original gangsta bots that forced their steel will on our civilization. And none was more bad assier than the one, the only … Megatron. With the magic of CGI and 3D Graphics-somehow they reduced this one time SOB into something resembling a circuit pine tree. But we can assure you that the real Megatron is actually alive and ready to unleash his decepticony claws on anyone who does not bow before awesomeness. True, Megatron was a dick and he was also really hell bent on blowing up the galaxy. But a lot has changed. Megatron and Bumble Bee play raquetball on weekends now. And he’s really sort of chilled out since he started dating Star Screams’ sister … who is quite the moaner, we hear. But he has never lost that edge. And he said the break has been nice and he’s now ready to turn his colossal cannon against those who do not value awesomeness. We trust him, for now. And hey … if he flips out and takes down the Fabio jail cell, who really cares? Megatron, in return for transforming suck into awesome-you’re in line for a brand new Ritual Shaving Kit. Just one thing … it’s hidden in Shock Wave’s ass. Good luck, Meggy.

Member 8: Michael Phelps

Posted in Nawesome with tags , , , , , , on August 5, 2008 by alienbun

For all we know, Phelpsy might be kind of a douche. But the kid glides like an f’n hammerhead. Some may argue that he would be better suited to the Navy of Awesomeness as some sort of bastard blue seal. But when you’re in a heated battle against the states of suck and nations of nut sweat–it don’t matter which team you’re on as long as it’s the winning one. So we got to Miguel first, deal with it. This dolphin boy is gonna have more gold around his neck than Mr. T. Few have tried to rock a handlebar in the deep blue, but this humpback whale humping SOB is all man-fish. And let’s face it … try as we may … we’ll never be as proficient in stroking as this slimy man slut. So Mike, our latex swimmer beanies go off to you … you are certainly a manta ray among men. And we figure a slick hairless soul like yourself could use a free pass into the Army of Awesomeness, but not nearly as much as the free Ritual shaving kit. So give us a shout and we’ll send the gift via sea plane. Behold … you.