Never a Member: Fabio

Fabio passes the eye test. He’s ripped and he’s seemingly pissed at all times, unless you’re a cougar wearing stonewash jeans and a ripped Def Leopard half shirt-then he’s as nice as can be. He loses points for his long locks, for punching George Clooney and for general douchbaggery. If the Army of Awesomeness was a romantic novel or a new modeling service then Fabio would be a shoe-in. But the war against shit heads and p-bags is a constant battle. Only those who truly embody awesomeness are fit to fight, and while the AOA believes in redemption, Fabio is too much of a risk because he’s already dug a serious homo hole in the ground and no ladder is long enough to pull his buttery guineas ass out. Not to mention, he doesn’t grow body hair because he is a nair whore. No Ritual Shaving Kit for you!


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