Archive for May, 2008

Member 7: Boba Fett

Posted in Nawesome with tags , , , , , , , on May 12, 2008 by alienbun

The best bounty hunter in the galaxy? Check. Kicked serious jedi ass? Check. Before Iron Man came to the big screen and made a perennial rail sniffer into the lunch box cover du jour, there was Boba Fett. He could fly. He was metal. And, of course, he was all f’n brawn. He was a mercenary. A hired gun. He’s kind of like Gary Sheffield. Except not as much of a douchebag. Which is quite interesting considering Sheff has never killed anyone and Fett takes pride in slaughtering space forms. If awesomeness could be put on an conveyor belt and assembled with precision, that would be Boba Fett. For some reason, Boba’s metal suit was always dirty and greasy. I like to think it’s because he was the metal tommy lee and constantly had parties in his oil filled jacuzzi with droid strippers. After long nights of drinking high test awesome and smoking space grits, he rolled out of bed, said F it and bountied up. Boba, we launched your Ritual shaving kit into orbit … go find it and you’ll be the smoothest robot in the god forsaken galaxy. Word.

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Never a Member: Fabio

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on May 6, 2008 by alienbun

Fabio passes the eye test. He’s ripped and he’s seemingly pissed at all times, unless you’re a cougar wearing stonewash jeans and a ripped Def Leopard half shirt-then he’s as nice as can be. He loses points for his long locks, for punching George Clooney and for general douchbaggery. If the Army of Awesomeness was a romantic novel or a new modeling service then Fabio would be a shoe-in. But the war against shit heads and p-bags is a constant battle. Only those who truly embody awesomeness are fit to fight, and while the AOA believes in redemption, Fabio is too much of a risk because he’s already dug a serious homo hole in the ground and no ladder is long enough to pull his buttery guineas ass out. Not to mention, he doesn’t grow body hair because he is a nair whore. No Ritual Shaving Kit for you!

Member 6: Aditya ‘Romeo’ Dev

Posted in Nawesome with tags , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2008 by alienbun

You want Lil Tandoori? You can’t handle Lil Tandoori! This little warrior will turn your testis into tikka. Awesome comes in all shapes and sizes, and every army could use a little Romeo. This samosa size hindu’s entry is a naan-issue. What’s most amazing about Romeo isn’t his desire to do military lifts with basmati barbells. No, it’s the fact that this Jack Hammer Jr. is dedicated to rockin’ the blonde salad. Everything we wanted to know about this tanned smurf is in his hair. It’s not a fashion statement, it’s an invitation to brawl. For that, he gets a Ritual shaving kit and a free ride on an elephant … a very small elephant.